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මිළ අඩු කළා..... The best sales promotion ever....

Outsourcing is the way to go....

WEDDING INVESTMENT




Rs.2,000,000 Marriage expenses.

Rs.30,000 Monthly expenditure.

Rs.3,000 Wife's monthly maintenance.


RETURNS:


First 5 years Weekly 3 Times.

Next 5 years Weekly 1 Time.

Next 10 years Once in 15 days.

Next 10 years Once in a month.

TOTAL COST

1400 times sex in 30 years for an estimated expenditure of a whooping :  17,840,000.

+

Opportunity cost on 2,000,000

spent on wedding at 7% for 40 years as

per current Post-tax Fixed Deposit Interest rate = LKR 29,848,915.68

TOTAL COST = LKR 47,788,915.68

Kindly Note:

A Man spends Rs.34,135 for each time he has Sex with his Wife....!!!

CONCLUSION :
Outsourcing is cheaper.

Modernization of girls

1960's : Love me, but don't touch me.


1970's : Touch me, but don't kiss me.

1980's : Kiss me, but don't do anything more.

1990's : Do everything, but don't tell anyone.


Since 2000 : Do everything, otherwise I will tell everyone that you can't do anything.

They are all Blondes - A Very Funny Email Joke



I am looking for my WIFE

Two old guys are pushing their carts around K-Mart when they collide. The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that.I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The second old guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The first old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?“

The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The first old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.”

The Beautiful Teacher of Little Johnny

A pretty teacher was concerned with one of her students.


Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love," the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With YOU!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"

United we stand -- Very good joke

Gud Joke - Married Life

Side effects of alcohol.... And remedies!!!

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Manoeuvre glass until open end is facing upward .

2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause : You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill your glass!

4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!

5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it !
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!

6. Symptom : Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause : You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
 
 

Tennyson Cooray's Music Lesson

I'm still waiting....

Still Waiting



I'm still waiting....

I did what you told me ...

I sent the email to 10 people like you said ...

I'm still waiting for that miracle to happen.

To all my friends who in the last year sent me best wishes, chain letters, angel letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something, NONE OF THAT CRAP WORKED!

For 2011, could you please just send money, chocolate, movie tickets, or even better... gas vouchers instead!


Thank you!


Urgent Warning

Aliens are coming to Earth on Friday and their mission is to abduct all the good looking and sexy people.


You will be safe, but I'm just emailing you to say goodbye.

Most Recent Computer Virus

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.


It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1960.

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. (Done that!)
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail! (That too!)
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. (Yep!)
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. (DUH!)
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. (Well darn!)
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished. (Oh no - not again!)
7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND." (And I just hate that!)
8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE." (Oh No!)


IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."

Hmmm...Have I already sent this to you?

Little Jonny - The Horse Auction

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.


After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom..."

Strip Poker - Funny Advertiesment

අන්දරේගෙ අශාව

Credit goes to Nihal Gurusinghe from www.thelastrow.net

Peanuts - A very funny story

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady,
" why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied,

"We just love the chocolate around them."

ලසිත් මාලින්ග කියන කතා.... චී.... චී.....

In the recently concluded Australia vs Sri Lanka match.... watch what Malinga has to say after he looses his bat....
 

An absolutely Brilliant Joke, ENJOY!!!

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman

said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM- she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than
you. "

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention

female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good!

Male readers: Please scroll down.


*

Child's Prayer

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."


The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

What Akka?????????????

Good practical joke

KESEL Hora.....

As per records, this happened somewhere in Balangoda
This perticular Hora has stolen 6 keselkans in a row

Then the owner wrote this…..
 

 The Funniest thing is that the Hora left the 7th one for the owner as he asked, and stole the 8th one   

All HUSBANDS are innocent

All HUSBANDS are innocent


HUSBANDS are innocent

Men and women on earth die and go to heaven.

God comes and says," I want the men to form two

queues one line for the men who dominated their women,

and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women.

Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are

two lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their

women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their

women there is only one man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.

I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.

Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud.

Learn from him!

Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replies,

"I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

What is the valuable advantage of helicopter than fixed wing aircraft??

This should be an easy quiz for those who have even a small amount of knowledge about aircraft.


The answer may surprise you.

"What is the biggest advantage of rotary-wing aircraft over fixed-wing aircraft?"


The latest Tamil family movie - Now in Sri Lanka

PLEASE SAVE OUR VILLAGE. Little bit of an old joke in a new look

A man called his mom from the USA.


Man : Mom, I have AIDS.

Mother: Don't come back home, my son.

Man : Why mom ?

Mother: If you come back home, then your wife will be infected. From your

wife to your brother, from your brother to our maid, from our maid to your

dad, from your dad to my sister, from my sister to her husband, from him to

me, from me to the gardener, from the gardener to your sister. And if your

sister got AIDs, then the whole village will be infected !


So in the name of GOD PLEASE SAVE OUR VILLAGE, DON¹T COME BACK HOME !!!!!!

බෙහෙත... One of the best laughs I had .....

එක්තරා මහතෙක් බඩේ අමාරුවකට ප්‍රතිකාර ගන්න දොස්තර මහතෙක් හමුවෙන්න ඔහුගේ බෙහෙත් ශාලවට ගියා....මේ ඩොක්ටර් මේ මහතාට දුන්න බෙහෙත් එකක්. මේ බෙහෙත් එක බොන එකක් නෙවෙයි.මේ බෙහෙත ඔහුගේ අධෝමාර්ගයට (පස්ස පැත්තට ) ඇතුල් කර ගත යුතුයි. මේක අධෝ මාර්ගයේ සෑහෙන්න ඇතුලට දැම්මොත් තමයි හොඳම ප්‍රතිපල ගන්න පුලුවන් කියලා මේ දොස්තර ඔහුට කියලා දුන්නා.


ඉතින් දොස්තර ග්ලවුස් එකක් දාගෙන මේක ඉස්සෙල්ලාම මේ මහතාට නැමෙන්න කියලා,අධෝ මාර්ගයේ ඇතුලටම දැම්මා. මේ මහතාට තරම වේදනවක් දැනුනා. ඊට පස්සේ ඔහුට කීව ඉතිරි එක ගෙදර ගිහිල්ලා පැය 6කට පස්සේ දාන්න.

මේ මහතා ගෙදර ගිහිල්ලා පැය 6කට පස්සේ තමාම දාගන්න උත්සහකරා. ඒ වුනාට එච්චර දුර දා ගන්න බෑ.පස්සේ බිරිඳට කතා කරා. බිරිඳ ඔහුට නැමෙන්න කියලා දාන්න උත්සහ කරා. ටිකක් අමාරුයි. ඊට පස්සේ අපහු ඔහුට නැමෙන්න කියලා බිරින්ද එක අතක් ඔහුගේ කර උඩ තියාගෙන අනික් අත අධෝ මාර්ගයට දාලා මේක කොහොම හරි ඇතුල් කලා. ඔන්න එක පාරම මේ මහත්තයා කේන්තියෙන් කෑ ගහනවා " වල් පරයා " කියලා....බිරිඳ අහනවා "මේ මොකද ඔයාට තද වෙලා මට බනින්නේ"....මේ මහත්තයා කියනවා " ඔයාට නෙවෙයි අර දොස්තරයා ඔය බෙහෙත දාන කොට උගේ අත් දෙකම තිබුනේ මගේ කර උඩ....දැන් තමයි මට මතක් වුනේ"

Please retire when you reach this age

Our Progress

This picture show the progress of humanity... (lol)

Good Short Joke

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".


Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

මසුරාගේ යකඩ කැටය (විහිලු කතා) - Funny Story

Don't fool


A 54 year old woman had
a heart attack and was taken to the hospital 


While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she
asked "Is my time up?" 


God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to 

live."

Upon recovery, the woman

FYI : Who causes accidents

A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink tea, coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, yogurts, and shit like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.

This message is sent by someone who worries about your well being.

"Your Attitude will Determine your Altitude"

නිදහසට කාරණා

 
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